Ami Ati Dinamati

I am most distressed and miserable within the core of my heart. Therefore today, living in my grove at Vraja-bhumi, I will submit to the lotus feet of the divine couple, Sri-Sri-Radha-Krsna. Weeping and weeping today at Their lotus feet, I now give up all shyness and fear of public opinion, and I will reveal to Them all the outpourings of the inner core of my heart.

You are Lord Krsna, and Your deep translucent bluish hue like sapphires is putting to shame the luster of a fresh new rain cloud. You are distributing the blissful mood of Vraja to everyone. And You, Sri Radhe, are forcibly taking away the pride of brilliant yellow gorocana dye with Your fair complexion, which is decorating Your fresh blooming youth. Thus You are attracting and stealing the mind of Your moon-like Krsna in Vraja.

You, my dear Lord Krsna, are conquering the radiant luster of pure gold with Your dazzling yellow garments. You are always very fond of performing Your amorous sports within the transcendental forests of Vraja. And You, my dear Radharani, are wearing a brilliant blue sari which is taking away the pride of the palasa flower, which is also blue with a white whorl in the center. You are always gracefully present as the chief companion during all the amorous games played by Krsna.

You, dear Lord Krsna, like a rare, radiant emerald, are the crest jewel amongst all the youthful boys of Vrndavana. And Srimati Radhika is the Mistress of Your life. And You, Radhe, are the topmost resplendent personality amongst all the women of Vraja. You radiate an effulgence like the fragrant white jasmine blossoms which are woven within the braided hair of all those beautiful young women, and You are the most amiable and affectionate maidservant of Krsna.

Dear Krsna, Your beauty and sweetness far surpasses that of Lord Visnu, the husband of the Goddess of Fortune. And that form which You are displaying within the forests of Vrndavana is making the entire universe go mad. And You, Radhe, are likewise surpassing the Goddess of Fortune Laksmi herself with Your supreme splendor which radiates outstandingly amongst all the damsel of Vraja. Thus it is only You who is dwelling in the beautiful courtyard of Krsna's heart.

Oh Krsna! You are abducting Radharani's mind with the enchanting songs of Your flute as well by Your sweet bodily fragrance, which are both blowing like waves incessantly in the wind. Oh Radhe! You are likewise exciting and sending Krsna's mind wild with Your fragrant bodily aroma and the sweet sound of Your vina.

You, My dear Krsna, are the crest jewel of all thieves, for You forcibly rob Radharani's patience when You gaze upon Her with Your special fickle, amorous expression. And You, dear Radhe, like to sting Krsna's lotus heart when You look back at Him with Your crooked, falsely unfriendly expression. He becomes maddened by Your slanted behavior. And You are also a beautiful, young maiden who is well-versed in all the classical arts such as music, dancing, singing, etc.

You, Krsna, are indeed the Master and instructor of all those who are learning dancing. Sometimes You simply cannot utter a word in reply to the confidential joking statements of Srimati Radharani. You, Radhe, then experience intense thriving jubilation throughout Your entire body when You hear Krsna's soft, amusing retort. Thus You are like a wish-fulfilling tree of transcendental mellows.

You, dear Krsna, are also abounding in all good qualities. Indeed, Your super-excellent transcendental qualities stand out just like a multitude of mountain ranges made of rubies. Oh Radhe! You naturally possess all the good qualities that are desired by all the beautiful young women headed by Goddess Uma.

I am extremely dull-minded and wicked; therefore I bow down pitifully before You, and offer You this humble prayer in all sincerity. You, my dear Lord Krsna, are the Supreme Master of Vrndavana and the Lord of my life! And You, dear Radhe, are the proprietress of all the transcendental forests of Vraja!

I am certainly not at all fit to receive the mercy of You both in Vrndavana. However, I have still taken refuge at Your lotus feet for I know that You both are the topmost merciful personalities. Please be kind to this most fallen soul.

But only am I unfit and undeserving, but I am actually an offender to Your lotus feet. Nevertheless, I still beg You Both now to bestow Your kind favor. Just as a great soul is very tolerant of the general public, compassionately forgiving their offenses, similarly You Both are certainly the most supremely sympathetic Personalities.

The most essential result of Your mercy is to finally get devotional service. However, I do not possess even a fraction of a drop of devotion, for I have no right to receive Your mercy. In this world, You are the Supreme Master of the greatest pastime... the rasa dance. So I ask You now to please be merciful to me when You are performing this most unlimited pastime within this universe, oh Lord of the Brijbasis.

You have shown Your supreme rasa dance to all in this world, including all the demigods headed by Lord Siva, and even to the most wicked persons and non-devotees. Thus You pleased all the living entities within the universe. You Both are the Masters of this maha-lila, the Lords of all Lords, and the Lords of my life. Please show Your leniency by disregarding all of my past offenses.

Some of my offenses are as follows: I have accepted my most degraded self to be the best man of all. Even though I am foolish like an ass, I consider myself to be very wise due to my false sentimentality. Thus I have actually become most polluted and mischievous underneath my false conception of being gentle and good-natured. Being guilty of these offenses, i have spent many days without ever worshiping You.

In spite of all these offenses, I pray that if ever in my life this most fallen soul has once accidentally uttered just a faint glimpse of Your holy name, without offence, then kindly mitigate all of my faults and allow me to chant Your name simply for the pleasure of You Both.

Even the most minute trace of devotion can completely destroy all offensive faults, for I know that the causeless mercy of You Both is most forgiving by nature. Keeping this in mind as my last hope, I offer this humble prayer at Your lotus feet. Please forgive me and rectify all of my offenses.

Alas, this most fallen soul is completely bereft of the priceless treasure of devotional service. I am so degraded, and I remain in great difficulty due to my shameless arrogance. Falling down and grasping the lotus feet of You Both, I now pray simply for the benefit of seeing You become satisfied by my prayers.

Alas! This sinner's whole body is trembling, and clutching clumps of straw between his teeth, he weeps and wails piteously at the top of his voice, "Oh my Lord! Oh Nath! Today, with folded hands, i beg that You pacify me by bestowing Your kind favor!"

This most unfortunate, miserable soul now prays for mercy, crying out in a piteous, remorseful voice while rolling on the ground in repentance. Oh Radhe! Oh Krsna-candra!, please hear my mournful prayers, for my life is departing without the causeless mercy of You Both!

Please become pleased with me, for I am sobbing aloud and crying, alas, alas! In a great pitiful uproar just to petition You. By Your own divine qualities, please favor this most unworthy and undeserving soul and keep me always at Your lotus feet. You are Both just like an ocean of compassion.

Now I am biting my thumb to try to check my crying from making a public disturbance. But still, being most aggrieved, i am weeping and weeping in a loud voice just to call on You, oh Lord! Please give me just one small grain of Your mercy in charity and thus save my life. Kindly capture this lowly soul and make me Your very own.

Thus Your most ignorant, foolish devotee prays to You in great determination with humble, distressed words while sobbing and weeping. Oh treasure-house of compassion! Please award me with personal service to You and thus display Your splendorous shining rays of that compassion in Vrndavana!

All the places of Krsna's manifested and unmanifested transcendental pastimes are the repository of various conscious pleasure-giving ecstasies, which are all super sweet. Out of all of these ecstasies, the quintessence of ecstatic love between Radha and Krsna is definitely the best, the topmost expression of pure love. And that ecstasy is worshiped by a rare, great personality only on the strength of Their mercy.

If You Both are ever pleased with this maidservant, then kindly manifest Your favorable inclination towards me by granting me the service of Your four lotus feet. There's really nothing more that I want than to get those two pairs of lotus feet, so I request You to please grant this favor and thus soothe my heart.

I know that You are most kind and affectionate to those who are helpless without their master. I am actually such a fallen soul who is also bereft of my Master, and feeling so helpless. Therefore I am now begging for Your personal service. Please grant this favor just to save the life of this helpless orphan. Giving up everything else, I am now begging only for Your service.

Clasping my head with both hands, I am lying flat before those lotus feet making this request: my most cherished prayer. Please, Please soothe my heart by giving me Your service just once only. Then and then only will I consider this life to be successful.

When will I be able to wistfully observe You Both encountering each other within the transcendental forest? The sweet nectarine fragrance produced by the meeting of Your precious forms will pass through my nostrils and, entering into my heart, will immediately knock me unconscious.

The tinkling sound of both of Your ankle bells together, surpasses the sweet sound produced by the swan. It is transcendentally sweet; so sweet that immediately upon entering my ears, my heart will become so charmed that I will go ragingly wild to drink more of the liquid nectar-mellows of Your service.

The nineteen most auspicious marks of the wheel, conch, lotus, mace etc., which are unique to both of Your lotus feet, are visible on the ground all throughout the forests of Vrndavana. Whenever this maidservant sees those marks, she becomes over flooded and immersed in a festival of bliss, due to secretly receiving the mercy of You Both in this way.

Oh Radhe! Oh son of Maharaja Nanda! The lotus feet of You Both are fit for being worshiped wit all kinds of suitable paraphernalia, and they are indeed worshiped by the highest excellence of beauty itself. When, oh when will my eyes behold the wonderfully astonishing pastimes performed by Your lotus feet, which will give me a great festival of happiness?

Just a glimpse of Your lotus feet fulfills all of one's most cherished longings; this is the real benefit for one who has Your vision. But I am worrying now that, without Your audience, what will become of my life now? The suspense of this unbearable anxiety has greatly perturbed my mind.

When will I ever have the vision of Your two exquisite forms within a bower in Vrndavana? Observing Your most intimate pastimes of conjugal love being enacted so close by, I will become overwhelmed and drowned in ecstatic love at such a sight.

In the course of Your transcendental pastimes, sometimes You are separated from each other, and thereby fell great distress. When will I ever be allowed, at that time, to act as a messenger and bring Your secret messages back and forth to each other? Since such messages contain news of the rare, uncommon union of You Both, hearing them will only increase Your happiness and dispel the distress of being separated from one another. Thus I will carry these messages to and fro, and in so doing I will excitedly stroll along, completely besides myself and overwhelmingly absorbed in great delight.

In Vrndavana, sometimes You Both are deprived of the vision of each other. When will wander all over the forest in search of You Both? I will bring You together again, and You will be so pleased with me that You will reward me by giving me some ornaments that You had used such as Your anklebells, toe-rings, necklaces, lockets, etc.

During another pastime, You Both place a wager on a necklace and being gambling over it, placing different kinds of bets with the rolling of dice. When the game is over, each of You separately exclaims, "I win! I win!" Then there is a big quarrel as You Both struggle together, each attempting to collect the necklace at stake. When will I ever be able to witness all of these wonderful sports?

Oh, when will I behold You two Divine Personalities reclining and lounging leisurely upon a beautiful bed of flowers within a forest grove? Taking the opportunity at that time, I will massage the most auspicious treasure of Your lotus feet, and in this way shall this maidservant meet with her good fortune.

Sometimes, during the struggle of contending with Cupid, one of Your necklaces accidentally becomes broken, and the pieces fall and scatter all over the creeper-shaded bower. When will this maidservant take Your merciful order upon her head, and be appointed to re-string that very same necklace?

Sometimes, due to the restless sporting of Your amorous games, Your hair will fall loose. Heeding Your gesture towards me, I will then com Your hair with a peacock tail comb and thus redecorate Your lovely tresses. In this way I will remain submerged and drowned in pure ecstasy.

Sometimes, due to being jostled about during Cupid's amorous games, Your flower garlands, necklaces, earrings, crowns and other decorations may become ruffled and disarrayed out of place. At that time, upon receiving Your order, I will rearrange all those scattered ornaments, and then redecorate Your foreheads with fresh tilaka. Thus I will go mad just seeing Your splendors beauty.

Oh! I will get enough happiness to satisfy my longings when I am placing a garland of fresh forest flowers upon Your chest! Oh Radhe! And likewise when I am re-applying black mascara around Your lotus eyes! When will that day be mine when I can render such services within a bower in Vrndavana? Then my heart will throb in ecstatic love for You Both.

When can I make first-class pan for You Both to chew? Picking fresh cold- betel leaves, I will remove the stems and add fragrant spices and camphor, Then, rolling the leaves into a cone shape and thus making it nice, I will take them and place them in Your lotus mouths. At that moment my heart will become flooded and saturated with ecstatic love for You.

Why am I revealing such far-off, impossible dreams in these prayers when i am in reality so deeply sunk into the dark well of sinful materialistic activities? Oh Radhe! Oh Ghanasyama! Your own maddening sweetness is actually making me speak all these things about Your transcendentally glorious qualities!

By Your supreme transcendental quality of mercy I have attained residence in the spiritual abode of Sri Vrndavana, and this mercy has fulfilled all of my most cherished longings. Oh Lord! Now please let me have eternal service in Your pleasure-gardens in the company of Your most beloved girlfriends and maidservants!

Oh Radhe! Oh Krsna! On the plea of narrating this diary of my greedy, selfish desires for Your humble service (karpanya-panjika), I have thus revealed my incredible thirst for all these liquid mellows of Vraja. All of these thirsty longings are just bottled up inside my heart, and I am incessantly cherishing the constant churning of these hopes within my mind. Please, I beg You Both, please therefore fulfill all these spiritual desires for Your service. I am appealing to You now on the strength of Your own causeless mercy.

Holding upon her head her most treasured possession (the lotus feet of Sri Rupa Manjari), this Kamala Manjari hopes that by thus observing Their eternal pastimes going on within this transcendental forest of Vraja at Godruma, Navadvipa, then her craving thirst for such mellows will finally be quenched.